I was listening to a children’s song that I play for my son. The main chorus of the song goes, “The more we get together, together, together, the more we get together the happier we’ll be.” The song hit a nerve within me and the next thing I knew I found my self doing a little research about just how important this little children’s song is. Here is some of what I found.
Americans
‘ circle of close confidants has shrunk dramatically in the past two decades and the number of people who say they have no one with whom to discuss important matters has more than doubled. Americans have fewer confidants and those ties are more family-based than they used to be. This change indicates something that’s not good for our society.
The study, published in the June 2006 issue of American Sociological Review, the flagship journal of the American Sociological Association, is based on the first nationally representative survey on this topic in 19 years. The study is quite large, so I picked out some interesting facts that grabbed me.
The study compared data from 1985 and 2004 and found that the number of people with whom Americans can discuss matters of importance to them dropped by nearly one-third, from 2.94 people in 1985 to 2.08 in 2004. That is incredible!
Researchers also found that the number of people who said they had no one with whom to discuss such matters more than doubled, to nearly 25 percent. The survey found that both family and non-family confidants dropped, with the loss greatest in non-family connections.
The study paints a picture of Americans’ social contacts as a densely connected, close, homogeneous set of ties slowly closing in on itself, becoming smaller, more tightly interconnected, more focused on the very strong bonds of the nuclear family. Sounds like a lot of “self” going on in America, which is predicted in the bible. This means fewer contacts created through clubs, neighbors and organizations outside the home–a phenomenon popularly known as “bowling alone”.
The researchers speculated that changes in communities and families, such as the increase in the number of hours that family members spend at work and the influence of Internet communication, may contribute to the decrease in the size of close-knit circles of friends and relatives. I personally believe that a lack of relationship with God is the main cause. Please keep in mind that this is a “secular” study, but it’s a very good one and I believe it to be so true.
Why such a large change?
While this study did not uncover the reasons behind this social change, the researchers offer some ideas based on other research.
One possibility is that people interpreted the questions differently in 2004 than they did in 1985. What people define as “important” has changed. People might not equate emailing or instant messaging with “discussing.” We may have a bunch of friends to left side of the page on Face book, but how often do we “get together” with those friends?
The researchers also suggest that changes in work and the geographical scattering of families may foster a broader, shallower network of ties, rather than the close bonds measured by this study.
Research also shows a decline in the number of groups that people belong to and the amount of time they spend with these organizations. Members of families spend more time at work and have less time to spend on activities outside the home that might lead to close relationships. Eighty percent of Christians surveyd think that they don’t need to go to church. I think this study implies otherwise.
New technology, while allowing people to connect over larger distances, might diminish the need for fac
e-to-face visits with friends, family or neighbors. Got a Face Book account? I do.
Group membership is very important in creating ties to people outside the family,but those ties may be more superficial now. If people spend less time in groups, they may talk to people, but just about matters that involve the club, and they may be less likely to share personal troubles or triumphs with them. Which translates to.. a lot of people are bound by their sins because they are not sharing them with one another.
My conclusion from what I gathered from the study is that we need to make fellowship with one another a higher priority. Commitment to small groups in our church needs to be put on the front burner of our lives. I can already see the “slack” of commitment in my own church on this issue. I personally need to make home group with church a priority in my life. We can’t “do it alone”, no one can. Only arrogance would lead one to such conclusion. Spending so much time with your self makes you all about your self which in my opinion leads to “selfish”.
If you are interested in learning more about this issue check out the study done from the American Sociological Review, it is where I got my information for this blog post. There is a ton of information on this subject. The inspiration for this post came from a simple children’s song that rang true in my heart and also because I see and know a lot of lonely people.
ADDENDUM: I am going to be eating my own words and comments from this post. But that’s OK, at least I am honest and REAL!!!!!
He said “It’s not here” my head hung in shame.
